Well it’s almost upon us again, Christmas. Such a great time of year, spending time with your kids with the endless possibilities of festive fun that there is to offer. A time of year that yells out family time, reconnecting with distant relatives. A time for you all to get together and spend time making memories. But what comes with a new year… The New Year New me stuff. The time where people set about new years resolutions and the likes of changes such as diet, lifestyle or career and life wise.
But Christmas soon goes as quickly as it arrives and with it, it brings the end to another year and the beginnings of a new one. This is what I wanted to share with you all this morning.
My aim for the New Year.
Sat with the girls, brew in hand, watching Christmas Peppa pig 🙄. Thinking of the new year. What I would like to change in myself and also changes in my lifestyle. Now I’ve done this before. Maybe so have you. Thought about it and said I will do this, this and this. Then after x of days or weeks, slumped back into days of old.
These days I will openly admit I struggle with my mental health. This year has been the toughest year of my life if I’m being honest. A downhill struggle since Charlotte was born back in November 2018. Working full time, taking on too much at work. Pushing myself over my limit in wanting to succeed and progress within the company.
This combined with our busy household and responsibilities. At the time we had 2 ponies, it all got too much and took its toll on my mental health. I didn’t speak out or reach out for the help I needed. In the end it resulted in recommended time off work due to depression. Upon returning to work I then find I had been selected for redundancy.
Now since this time at the beginning of the year. We have made alot of sacrifices for the family. The responsibility of the horses were too much. A massive decision was made to rehome them. Much to the devastation and upset of Mouse and Pig, (I still feel guilty now, they still miss them so much).
The decision between myself and Sarah was made. She would continue her part time work but on top of that. She would enrol at University to begin her journey to her dream career of being a Midwife. For me I would become the Stay at Home Dad.
The change in our family routine has been massive. Mum’s very busy a lot of the time. Working shifts could be weekends, evenings or even night shifts. Out at University Mon – Thurs. Busy cracking on with her assignments at home. I’ve had an amazing experience so far being home with the girls. From school runs to park trips. Attending stay and learn sessions at school. Attempted baby groups with Charlotte, I say attempted, ill go into this another day. The list goes on.
New Year New Me.
Now for the new year New me. I would like to decide on a few things for myself I would like to change. I haven’t got out the house much with Charlotte. A lot of it stems to my mental health. The fear of being judged why I’m not out at work. Being judged on my appearance and personality. The anxious and nervous feelings and thoughts of how the kids will react and behave while we are out. The social side to my life. Being home and alone in the house alot, being slightly isolated. It causes major overthinking. Brain fog. The feeling of being about to explode with negative thoughts like a bomb!
This needs to change. I want to get out more socially with Charlotte. I attended one sensory session, paid to attend the next… But almost 3 months on now I still haven’t been. The other parents interacting with their children. Nattering amongst themselves, I felt like a spare part, like an outsider. It was an uncomfortable experience and the thoughts of these Mothers judging me negatively because I wasn’t at work. That I was in and amongst a woman’s world.
I would like to make a better attempt at being healthier and excersising more. I’d like to join a gym, something new for me for the New year New me challenge I’m setting myself.. Something that is also proven that regular exercise is beneficial to your mental health. You can read more about how the impact of exercise can be a huge positive to your mental health from the Mental Health Charity Mind Here.
Dad’s still rambling… Will it ever end?
I need to change my way of thinking and push myself. Not just for me but also for Beast as she is missing out on those experiences.
We spend alot of time together and with the girls. Alot of the time if we go for a walk to the park, or out with our dog Toby. We are all together, we don’t get much time one to one with each of them. I think this impacts on them slightly. I’d like to start with Daddy daughter time or mummy and daughter time. An evening to go swimming with just 1 of them, or go to the arcades we have here in Scarborough. Just a bit of time together on our own.
Financially I worry a lot. Way too much and is one of the major parts in my low moods and dark down days. The rents paid, bills covered, kids have their after school clubs. Food on the table and clothes on our backs. But leaves very little left for things me and Sarah would like to buy for ourselves or to go out just the 2 of us. I would like for us to manage our finances better, adjust the budget so we can have these things.
Hope I haven’t rambled too much, what would you like to change for yourself for the inbound New Year? Have you thought about a new year new me? What changes have you made in the past?
Hope you all have an Amazing Christmas 🎄😁
Want to read more about my story and struggles with mental health. Take a look at this post of mine where I open up a bit about my issue with mental health Here.