Parental Guilt.

I wanted to share a post with you regarding Parental Guilt. Not just with fellow Dad’s but Mum’s also. I think it’s such a vast subject with parents, which in one or another most parents have experienced their own issue with Parental Guilt.

What is Parental Guilt.

Parental guilt is felt by alot of Parents in one way or another during a stint as a parent. It can be anything from feeling guilty because of having to discipline your child. Could be forgetting to buy them their favourite snack when your out shopping. Even down to feeling guilty about your financial situation and being unable to offer them the childhood you wanted to provide for them.

GuiltA large burden for some to carry.
source – Konig Gallery

The voce in the back of your head commenting on this and that. All because you forgot to do this or you forgot to tell someone something. Little mistakes that we should easily be forgiving ourselves for and moving on. This modern era we live in which is more stressful than days of old. Mental Health issues especially in parents are at a high and more common than you may think. It is becoming seemingly more difficult for parents to shake off this Parental Guilt.

How does Parental Guilt affect your Family and Children.

As parents, we aren’t perfect. I’m certainly not a perfect parent, sometimes with high stress levels in the family home. On occasion you may lose your temper and raise your voice, or possibly issue a punishment for an action that is more severe than usual. As previously said we all make parenting mistakes, as parents one thing we aim to teach our young ones is that it is ok to make mistakes. So they can learn from their mistakes, but also to help teach them to forgive themseleves. So that they wont dwell on their mistakes and have a way to move on.

As parents it is something we need to address in ourselves and learn that it is ok to make mistakes, move on without dwelling on the guilty thoughts of our action/actions. One way to help yourself with Parental Guilt is to step back and take some time out for yourself.

The Burden of Guilt
Source – Child Mags.
Help yourself with Parental Guilt and Mental Health.

Not to worry, no need to feel guilty. Sometimes what we feel guilty about is inevitable and there is nothing we can do about it – wether it is for ourselves or our children.

Have some space away from your children, some you time. This could be anything from attending the gym early in the morning before the school run or on a night. Easier if you have a partner at home for those. During the day while your kids are out at school. Go for a walk, get some fresh air.

Getting out and about for a walk is not only good for your health getting the excersise but also for our mental well being. Look at it like while out for a walk we are a solar panel for mental health benefits from nature. It’s peaceful, it’s relaxing and the time to ourselves helps us release anxieties and also could be the feeling of guilt.

Remember that the feeling of guilt is normal. It’s a form of an emotion. Everybody no matter from what walk of life, they will have felt guilty of something in their lifetime, wether as a parent or when they were a child.

5 Ways to help deal/cope with Parental Guilt.
  1. Remember
  2. Perfection – Let it GO!!
  3. Turn the feeling of Guilt into Action.
  4. Look into Parenting Advice.
  5. Create or Become part of a Parental Circle.

What do these 5 ways to help deal or cope with Parental guilt and how would it help me, you or them.

Remember.

Remember that whenever you are feeling guity, you’re not the only one. Other parents probably experience these feelings exactly like you do. Tell yourself you are not the only one. Telling myself this sometimes helps me to rid myself of feeling guilty.

Perfection.

Stop believing that you have to be perfect, that everything you do has to be perfect. You are not perfect and it is ok not to be. Your children cannot be perfect, wether it’s with their education or behaviour. Be realistic in the approach of solving problems or issues for yourself or your children and you will find yourself more positive with the outcome.

Turn the Feeling of Guilt into Action.

This is kind of like a fight or flight situation. The weight from the feeling of guilt getting you down and holding you back and avoid taking the bull by the horns and facing the feeling and situation. Or you can turn the feelings on it’s head and use it as a way of overcoming them, turning them into a realistic positive goal or improvement.

Look into Parental Advice.

With this one you could look into changing the way we/you parent or handle certain situations as a parent. Learn different ways to communicate with your children. There are many recources that can be easily found online, wether its a one – to – one course, in a group setting or even books or articles to read.

Create or Become part of a Parental Circle.

This one is a handy one, not just relating to parenting but anything general in life, either as a friend network circle or parental, possibly even family.

Having a circle of any of these is a way of support, they may have experienced what you are struggling with or are in a similar situation. It is a great way to recieve encouragement from others to help you in your troubling time.

My Round up of Parental Guilt.

I have learnt alot from writing this post. Taking the time for me to get some peace and quie to read, research and even think of my own feelings, thoughts and opinions of Parental Guilt.

A big guilt tripper for me as a Stay at Home Dad, is asking for help and taking time out for myself. Approaching my partner Sarah for help, feeling guilty as I’d be admitting that I’m unable to manage or cope, feeling defeated. Feeling guilty for wanting to take time out for myself. It could either be going to do the weekly shop on my own child free, going out and visiting friends or a peaceful walk out alone with our dog. I feel guilty because she doesn’t get much time like this to herself either so why should I.

It is one thing with having such a busy family life. Most of the time we are unable to get out together as a couple, children of a varying age range – from 1 years old upto 8 years old, we struggle with childcare for them on an evening or night for us to be able to go out and have the time together. having 4 children home throughout the week and 5 on weekends. It can be an overwhelming and an occasionaly stressful environment. All this builds up the feeling of guilt but also has a negative effect on your mental well being. One thing I would like to address is the feeling of guilt with things for myself but also for my family and try to become a calmer less stressed parent. I’m sure addressing one will help aid in achieving the goal you set.

4 thoughts on “Parental Guilt.

  1. Guilt. It’s a dreadful emotion but I also think it can be useful. I actually get quite annoyed with the army of mummy bloggers who say you shouldn’t feel at all guilty as a parent. Sure, too much guilt is debilitating and (truth be told) a sign of anxiety. But…isn’t just a tiny bit of guilt a sign that you care and want to strive to do your best? I’ll leave you with that unpopular thought!

    1. It may be an unpopular thought but you have a good point. Sometimes the guilt helps you as a Father or a mother to strive to be better in parenting areas you know yourself may need improvement.

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