What does being a Step-dad or Step-parent mean to you?

Being a step dad and what it means to me

Being a Step-dad and what it means to me.

Step-dad, Step-father, step-parent… Step. This is something that is close to my heart being a Step-father to two amazing young girls. Mouse and Titch.

What I don’t generally like of the situation and name around Step. As John Adams from DadBlog UK stated in a past blog post of his regarding ‘The Misunderstood World of the Stepchild’.

Now as a Step-dad myself if that is the label and title I am given. Generally when searched in the likes of Google – most things relating to step-parents, step-families, step-children or blended families is very negative.

A screen shot image to show google search results for searching Step-dads, step-parents and step children.
Screen shot of Google results for step-parent

But why is it negative? In my eyes there is nothing negative regarding me being a step-dad to my 2 girls Mouse and Titch. I actually heard a quote from a gentleman on Instagram on the Dadvengers Dads live chat regarding how he see’s his step daughters. This quote he mentioned was said to his step daughters Dad/Father –

They maybe and always will be your daughters… But they are also my girls.

Quote regarding his Step Daughters from Step Father Royston – Instagram – Rad_the_Dad.

I am a Step-Dad/Step-Father.

I have been a part of my girls life since Mouse was 2 yrs of age and Titch was around 15 months old. As of the 8/9/2020 on their return to school Mouse has now ventured into Yr4 and Titch into Yr3.

A pic here of My Girls - Daughters and Step Daughters in my blended family.
My Girls – Daughters and Step Daughters inn my blended family.

As any parent does looking back on the memories of their children, as I do with my 3 daughters. I also look back on memories of my girls too. I cannot believe they are now so far into their school education. I am so Proud of them Both.

I need to write this post as with the negativity and stigma behind Step… the step-parent or Step-child and blended families is utterly ridiculous and just like Mens Mental Health this stigma and negative image about the subjects needs to be gotten rid of.

Can Step-dads/Step-fathers also be a beneficial role in the raising of step-children in a blended family environment? Would be great to get to knoow your thoughts and views on this one – maybe for a future post.

A graphic I created to show an amazing quote for any step-dad or step-parent.
A great quote for any Step-Dad or Step-parent.

I am a SAHD and I have 5 Girls.

I am a Stay at Home Dad. I have been since March 2019 (have a read of one of how it was being the Stay at Home Dad to a 12 month old baby Here). I have 5 girls. (3 daughters and 2 step-daughters). Now the way I see it, I maybe a Daddy-Dad-Father to 3 Daughters… But I have 5 girls. They may not be my daughters biologically or by blood- But they are still my girls and they always will be.

A photo of Me and My girls (before little Beast was Born) - at a christmas magic show with a local entertainer. Love the Dad/Step-dad life.
Me and My girls (before little Beast was Born)

As with the quote above, they maybe their Fathers Daughters but they are my Girls. The girls is my own special term for classing them as mine too. I say I have 5 girls because they are all equal. They are all treated the same and equally.

Me and Sarah do have a good relationship with Mouse and Titch’s Dad. He is very helpful with where the girls are concerned.

Some relationships after a separation/divorce with where the children are involved can become sour and negative, this can be impacted on the children and also the relationship of parent and child.

The Bond and Relationship of Step-dad or Step-parent and their Step-child.

Some step-parents may struggle to bond with their step-child, they may not be able to deal with the fact they still have an active parental figure in the child’s life.

A blog graphic to show another fantastic quote regarding a blended family - Step-dad, step-children-step-parent.
“We aren’t Step, We aren’t Half, We’re just Family – Unknown. Another great Step-dad or Step-parent quote.

For me this isn’t the case, the positive relationship I have with my girls Dad has helped with my bond with them, like a team effort and as the Step-Dad I am respected for it.

I would like to think that me and my girls have a great bond much like they would have with their Dad. I woild like to imagine that I am a Good Step-dad to Mouse and Titch.

I do struggle with the feelings of Parental Guilt though. Sometimes regarding the bond with my 2 girls and My Eldest Daughter Pork Chop.

I do feel the effects of parental guilt with regards the bond I have with my 2 step daughters as their step-dad compared to the bond I share with my eldest daughter pork chop.
Me and My eldest Daughter Pork Chop.

I mean I have lived with my Mouse and Titch for over 6 years now and subsequently I have not lived with my eldest Daughter Pork Chop (She lives with her mum, my ex partner. She stays with us at weekends and extra days in the school holidays).

Because of this scenario, I do as I mentioned struggle with feelings of parental guilt, as I have found the bond I have with my 2 step-daughters Mouse and Titch feels greater than the bond I have with my eldest daughter.

As the step-dad me and my oedest step-daughter mouse bonded well throughout her love of horse riding. I was the active one running around with the lead rein.
Both me and Mouse bonded well through her passion for horse riding.

I think this can be understandable really as I have lived in the same household as a father figure with Mouse and Titch for 6+ Years where as with Pork Chop it has just been the arranged time for her to spend with us.

Are you a Step-dad/Step Father (Step-mums/Step-mothers welcome also)

Have you struggled Bonding with your Step-child or Step-parent?
Have you ever struggled with a form of parental guilt? Whether this is as a Parent or Step-parent.

A discussion below in the comments would be great, let us know your thoughts and experiences.

This is a subject around step – step-dads/step-fathers/step-children/step-mums/step-mothers is very close to me being a Step-father (I’m just Eddie – no label) so I’m sure we will touch on this again in future posts.

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14 Thoughts to “What does being a Step-dad or Step-parent mean to you?”

  1. Great post buddy, i think step parent get a negative approach when in reality it isnt, they do as much if not more that original parents, for some its a choice to be involved as much as they do, a parent is still a parent, regardless of the “Step”

    1. Absolutely Liam! I’m heavily involved with my girls. Part and parcel of been the at home dad too. But I always have been.

      My old man was always doing things with me and my older brother so think it stems from that, I’m hands on with my girls.

      Thanks for your input Liam, it’s always appreciated 👍🏻

  2. Great and valid post Liam. Absolutely step parents are important, at the end of day,they are often with children more than a blood parent, sometimes doing a better job. Neither should be underestimated or unvalued.

    1. Thank you for reading and leaving your thoughts.

  3. This is a great post. My dad is really my stepdad, he’s been in my life since I was 6 months old (I’m in my mid 20’s now) and he has always been there for every show, every doctors appointment and he was even brave enough to teach me how to drive.

    1. Thats great to hear. He sounds like an inspirational man. Seems the same way I try to be with my girls.

  4. Well Eddie, as you know I come at this from the other perspective, I am a stepchild and have been since I was a young child. I believe strongly that it’s not a case of consigning the word “step” to history, it’s more a case of normalising it.

    I am very happy calling myself a stepchild and I am very happy referring to having stepfamily and steprelatives. It’s a fact and I shouldn’t have to hide it or feel awkward admitting it.

    The other thing is that your status as a stepchild changes with age. I am noticing now I’m older that my status is more relevant than ever. When you get married and have kids, when half relatives start getting married and having kids, you really can notice it.

    it’s a very, very complex world for us stepkids!

    1. Thank you for your input on the subject. I wouldn’t say banish the term step to the history books.

      I have received negative views and comments from family members of my decision to enter a relationship where I would be taking on the step-dad role. Its this that I don’t like about it. People such as friends I speak with or even some followers on social media have asked do they call me Dad. No, and I would never pressure them into that either. I’m super happy because to them I’m their special Eddie.

      There is a difference between the view of a step-child and a Step-parent more so from age group as you said. For a Step parent you would always be classed as the step parent.

      It does seem a very complex world. A world I’m unaware of due to no experience as a step child.

      If you’d ever like to write a guest blog post on the subject from a step childs perspective for Yorkie not just for dads your views and experience would be fantastic.

  5. Great Read Eddie!
    I’ve had a similar conversation with my oldest daughter(now adopted) but the whole ‘step daughter’ conversation came about.
    It’s a tricky and complex one. I used to only see it from my perspective, until she spilled her guts about how she felt.

    1. Thanks Damion. It is tricky and complex. Many will have their own views, opinions and thoughts on the subject, each in their own right are perspectives good to hear. Some positive and some negative.

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